Understand your desires

October 28, 2025

Hello!  How is each and every one? Yesterday, the 27^th of October, was the birthday of Msgr Fernando Ocariz, the Prelate of Opus Dei.  We celebrated with Holy Mass, simple Benediction and Holy Rosary praying for his person and intentions. We are approaching the month of November, the month of suffrages for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, Holy because they are a step away toward Heaven.  With our prayers, Holy Masses and Holy Rosaries for them during the coming month we can send many of them soon to their heavenly home.  I believe my devotion to the Holy souls in Purgatory will see me through when the time comes. With faith, hope and love nothing is ever lost.  So let us keep them very much in mind in the coming month which a couple of days ahead.

Meantime let us proceed to the next chapter or segment of the superhabit of self discipline, on the related superhabits to understanding our desires (From SUPERHABITS, The Universal System for a Successful Life by Andrew V. Abela, PH.D., Dean, Busch School of Business, The Catholic University of America, 2024).

Dealing with desires for how you want to live

There are three other superhabits for dealing with desires for how you want to live.  They are two for how you move, covering the social and health dimensions of movement, and one for what you wear.  This may seem a little strange.  Do we really need superhabits about movement or clothing?  Well, if you want to live your best life, there should be no part of that life that doesn’t have a habit for dealing with it with excellence – even how we move and how we dress.

There are two superhabits for how we move, and one for how we dress. The two superhabits of movement are Gravitas, which is about the social impact of our movement on others, and Suppleness, which is about the impact of our movement on ourselves and particularly on our health.

Gravitas

Gravitas is the superhabit of being graceful in your interactions with others.  It’s not about the substance of your interactions with others, which is covered by Justice and its associated superhabits, it’s about your actual movements themselves.  Gravitas addresses your desire to move, or not, in any given moment.  For example, Gravitas concerns desires that could lead you to fidget, to slouch, to pick your nose, or any from a number of possible actions. Gravitas ensures that your movements are guided by your social intelligence, so that others are more likely to respect you and cooperate with you. 

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If this seems trivial, consider that the very first of the twenty-four rules that Dr. Jordan Peterson has published to date is “Stand up straight with your shoulders back.” Perterson explains how holding better posture actually reduces anxiety:  “People, including yourself, will start to assume that you are competent and able (or at least they will not immediately conclude the reverse).  Emboldened by the positive responses you are now receiving, you will begin to be less anxious.” Further, research by Dr. Amy Cuddy on “power posing” (popularized by her TED talk, which is one of the most viewed TED talks of all time) showed that an open “power” posture leads to greater confidence and actual increases in testosterone.

If you feel that a big challenge in your life right now is that people aren’t respecting you and your work, or taking you seriously enough, perhaps Gravitas is the superhabit you should be working on.  One way to start would be to follow the advice of Bruce Lee, the famous martial artist and movie star.  He used to say, “It is not daily increase but daily decrease, hack away the unessential.”  He meant that you should focus on eliminating unnecessary motion to increase the efficiency, simplicity, and fluidity of your movement.  Paying close attention to how you stand and move will get you started on the superhabit of Gravitas.

Suppleness

The other superhabit of movement is Suppleness.  It is related to Gravitas, because it is also about posture and movement.  But while Gravitas is about the impact of your movement on others, Suppleness is about the impact of your movement – or lack of it – on yourself, and particularly on your health.

Dr. James Levine, director of the Mayo Clinic – Arizona State University Obesity Solutions Initiative, has coined the phrase “Sitting is the new smoking.”  He argues that sitting for extended periods of the day is more dangerous than smoking, and kills more people than HIV.  The superhabit of Suppleness helps you address this.

I mentioned earlier that I have been learning about the Pilates system of exercise. I have found it to be very useful in growing in Suppleness.  Any form of exercise will help, though.  Elite military and athlete coach Dr. Kelly Starrett’s encyclopedic book Becoming a Supple Leopard: The Ultimate Guide to Resolving Pain, Preventing Injury, and Optimizing Athletic Performance is a great reference guide.

MODESTY

The superhabit of Modesty is the habit of dressing well.  It does not mean dressing to make yourself look frumpy or boring.  It just means not letting your clothing mask or distract from the marvel of who you are as a person.  You may not like it, you may think it’s wrong, but research shows that what you wear has a significant effect on what others think of you and how they interact with you.  This superhabit of paying attention to how you dress is an often-overlooked contributor to the superhabit of Self-Discipline.

Traditional Lay Carmelites of Fatima: Modesty and imitation of Our Queen

I personally find it uncomfortable to watch a program, a talk show or a video wherein I could not even look at the person no matter how pretty she may be if she is not properly dressed.  I feel sorry I could not enjoy a program or film when you cannot look into the faces of persons because there is something else that calls your attention. I would rather watch something else or not any at all.  Just my opinion. 

As always it would be good to reflect on the above topic and ideas and look into the way we carry ourselves, dress, sit, stand, move and interact every day with persons around.  We cannot get used to the way we are up to now.  Let us see objectively what we could improve on.  Of course it will cost us some effort to change some of our ways but the effort will surely be meritorious for our own good, confidence and joy.  Let us love and respect ourselves for love of the Creator into whose image He made us. And let us do it all to glorify Him in our bodies and person.

See you in the next post, “May tomorrow be a perfect day; may you find love and laughter along the way; may God keep you in his tender care; ‘til He brings us together again.”

Affectionately,                    

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